Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
