after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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