I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
