States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
