I feel like abortions should bother me more
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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