DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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