every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
