i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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