The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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