I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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