Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
