hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
