2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
