You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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