ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
