I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
