You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had sex on a roof
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
