I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
