She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
