...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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