If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
