all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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