I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
