my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
