you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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