Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
