If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome