Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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