Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
