Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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