i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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