I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
