i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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