He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
