i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How external is "for external use only"?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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