I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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