I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
