When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
