brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
