So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
