So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
