How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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