I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize