Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
