this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I could make wine with my vomit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
