That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
