It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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