I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
