can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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