If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
