Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
