is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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