At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize