my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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