Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I just sharted jello shots
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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