dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize