I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
