me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
