hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
