My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
