70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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