I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
