Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My liver is preforming stress tests.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
