I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she peed on how many people?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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